Single and Whole: Life Doesn’t Start When You Get into a Relationship

“I’ve never been to Love Park,” I confessed to Lisa as we waited for a cab in Philly to take us to Fairmount. “Really?” she asked. Her eyes searched the street for one to hail. The city shimmered with the fabric of a late-summer twilight that draped over it. “It’s because I want my first time at Love Park to be with a boy.”

Looking back on those words, they sound crazy. But saving certain experiences for a potential boyfriend or husband is something so many women in the midst of a season of singleness are guilty of. We don’t want to go to visit a city known for romance like Paris or Venice because we think we should go there on our honeymoon, or at least with a guy who’s really cute.

So many of us act like life hasn’t started yet. We think that when we’re married, we’ll finally do all these cool things we’ve always wanted to do

Being single is not being in the waiting room for life to start.

My pastor once said, “Singleness isn’t purgatory before getting married.” Yet, so many of us are in that waiting room, holding off on doing the things we want. Being in the Single Season does not mean you have to put your life on hold. You should live each day that our Lord has given us to the fullest, living your best life.

“So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12 ESV)

“This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24 NKJV)

God is the one who wrote our story and he didn’t write a Season of Singleness into it for us to sit around waiting for our lives to begin. He intended us to use it to glorify him, to edify ourselves, and to GROW in the Lord.

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9 ESV)

Also, not everyone’s story will involve marriage.

I know that’s a really scary thing for some of us to hear but it’s the truth. Some of us will come to the end of our lives without having ever been married or finding our love. But we need to trust in the Lord and know that His plans are best and that if he’s written a lifelong season of singleness for us, it’s for only the best of reasons.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 ESV)

You shouldn’t wait to do the things you want to experience. You might find that you’re waiting years and years, if not your entire life. Don’t miss out on living YOUR best life, gathering the experiences you want to experience, because you were waiting for someone you haven’t met.

If you are meant to be married, somewhere out there your future spouse is living his life. Would you feel hurt if you found out that he’s not saving life experiences for you? That he’s going ahead with those mission trips, that vacation to Europe and those snowboarding lessons? I wouldn’t be. I’d be thankful to have a lot to talk about with a guy who’s collected life experiences and discovered passions.

And I guarantee he’d feel the same way. I told Lex today that I was writing this piece and I asked him, “If a girl you were in a new relationship with told you about these things she’s always wanted to do but saved in order to experience them for the first time with you, how would that make you feel?” There was a long awkward pause before he finally replied, “I’d think it’s awkward and I’d also wonder whether she has a full and rich life to share with me.”

You know those things you dream of doing but are saving for when you’re in a relationship?

The picture frames you’ve yet to fill, the walls you don’t want to decorate until you know your future-Mr.’s taste, the places you’ve always wanted to visit and think would make the perfect honeymoon destination? You know those things?

You should go and do them.

Go on, Beauty. Fill those picture frames up with photos of loved ones; photos can be changed. Decorate your place the way that makes your heart sing; decorations can be taken down, rotated, and altered when new seasons start. Buy that plane ticket and go on that adventure; there are so many more honeymoon destinations to choose from and there’s nothing wrong with taking the Love of your Life back there.

Live each day fully. Build up a life that you love. It’ll be one that the right guy will get excited to become a part of. And if God didn’t write you a love story? Well, the life you’ve built up for yourself will be cozy enough for a party of one, anyway.