As a college ministry leader at a small church in Boston, I get to shepherd young Christians in a transitional stage of their lives. College is an interesting age for the Christian; I learn a ton about following Jesus in today’s world just by ministering to college students. One of the most disturbing trends I’ve noticed is a common pattern of behavior in guys entrenched in purity culture.
Don’t get me wrong: I esteem and cherish purity. Purity is sacred. Purity is beautifully radical. It’s a romantic rebellion; it goes against the patterns of the world in pursuit of something holier. It honors your future spouse. It prevents you from handing out spousal privileges to boyfriends and girlfriends. And, most importantly, God commanded it.
“Choose this day whom you will serve… But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15)
However, many young Christian guys take their values to the point of shaming girls who’ve fallen into sexual sin. Does the insult “damaged goods” ring a bell?
Girls, you are NOT goods.
Your purity is not a “good”. Your body and your virginity are not “goods.” You are a being who is fearfully and wonderfully made and a new creation clothed with the blood of our blameless Lord. You are worth more than rubies. You are worth the price that Jesus paid for you on the cross. So with all this being said, it’s safe to say that you are worthy of so much more in your love story than a guy who takes away your dignity and humanity by talking about you as “goods.”
Christians who are being intentional don’t get married just because they love someone.
The God-fearing bible-following Christian recognizes that marriage was created by God for a specific purpose.
The purpose and goal of a marriage for a Christ-follower is to GLORIFY God through it.
It’s to serve and strengthen the Kingdom. NOT to get companionship and spend your entire life with the person you’re in-love with (although those are all both good reasons and partly why God felt that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone without an Eve).
The Bible is very on what it expects from husbands (and boyfriends, aka “husbands to be”!) The God-given standard to which a Godly husband/boyfriend is expected to lead His wife or girlfriend is outlined right in Ephesians.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
Any guy a Christian girl yokes herself with is called to love her with a love that mirrors the love Jesus has for the church. That includes viewing her in the way Jesus views her. And Jesus does not view her as goods.
Girls, you are not goods.
There is a price that you have, no doubt. But it is not defined by your sin or whether your virginity is intact. It’s defined by the price Jesus ALREADY paid for you when He died for you on the cross, all so He could have a relationship with you.
You can do so much better than a guy who views you a “goods.” You can do better than to seek the attention of a guy is not capable or even worthy of fulfilling the calling of a biblical husband and leader as outlined in that verse above.
Whatever your story is. Whatever your sexual history is. I hope you remember that Jesus wiped the slate clean for you. For all of us.
Don’t be discouraged. Don’t lose heart. There are real Godly men out there who are praying for you and wondering when they’ll get to meet you. Good men willing and able to be biblical husbands who’ll see you the way God sees you.
Redeemed by His love.
Sins wiped clean by His blood.
Fearfully and wonderfully made.
And so so beloved.